Humor: Michigan Sobriety Test
A Michigan State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles north of the Michigan/Indiana State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Ft. Wayne , IN to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn’t want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from Michigan got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, ‘You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain’t no way I can pass that test.’
Video: The “Java Life” Rap Music Video
This original rap music video made for JavaOne 2011 celebrates the “Java Life”. Dedicated to the developer homies everywhere who code hard day and night. Think Java programmers meet street Hip Hop.
Instagram Nickelback Parody Video
Don’t you just love those people who just have to show you their amazing collection of cell-phone photos? Look at this door knob! Look at my feet! Ain’t my cat the coolest For the record, my cat is the coolest.
Moving on! I’m dedicating this video to my daughters and my cousin Amberly, all of which have huge collections of self-portraits, and pictures of their pets, and who are never out of hand’s reach of their phones. This video is a Nickelback parody put together by CollegeHumor “skewering the common practices of Instagram users across the world.”
Humor: the Red Binder
There are times when additional support is necessary to get through a grueling day at work. Here’s one suggestion…
A Master Reference binder has been created for all who may need to reference it. Inside this binder you will find ‘solutions’ to everyday problems.
If you are having problems with the photocopier, having difficulty dealing with co-workers, having computer problems…please come and get the red binder and it will help you through your issue. You may refer to the red binder as often as you wish.
Use the red binder for all issues…it is guaranteed to make you stress-free and relaxed.
Humor: Dirty Dishes
A man is in a position to buy a Harley Davidson, and after much consideration opts for a very nice model. The salesman is very pleased and offers the man a few words of advice. He tells him to always carry a jar of Vaseline in his pocket and if he knows it is going to rain to smear the Vaseline all over the bodywork of the bike in order to prevent rust. The man drives his Harley off and is most pleased.
That night, the man and his girlfriend drive the Harley to her parents house where the man is to meet them for the first time.
The girlfriend tells the man that they have an odd rule in her house that the first person who speaks during dinner has to wash all the dishes.
They have a lovely meal and afterwards there is nothing but silence from all around the table. This silence goes on for about an hour and the man decides that he has to do something to make someone break the silence, so he grabs his girlfriend and kisses her passionately, still no one says a word.
He then decides that he’s going to have sex with her right there on the dining room table. Again no one says a word. Getting very frustrated at the continued silence he decides to have sex with the mother on the table, nobody says anything.
At this point the man can hear that it is starting to rain so he pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket to which the father shouts “ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I’LL DO THE DAMN DISHES!”
(Special Thanks to P. Burton, Redmond, WA)
Humor: Baby names
A lady pregnant with twins gets into a bad car accident. She wakes up to discover that she is in a hospital. Panicking, she buzzes for the nurse, who comes running to assist her. The nurse tell her that she is going to be OK, and that she had been in a car accident.
The lady, still panicking, demands to know if her babies are OK. the nurse tells her that they are fine, and that she had a boy and a girl. Relieved, the new mother realizes that she hasn’t named her babies yet. The nurse tells her not to worry, her brother came in and named the babies for her. The new mother cried out “My brother? Oh no! He’s an idiot! What did he name my babies?”
The nurse said, “Well, he named the girl Denise”. the new mother thought that was a pretty name. And then she asked what her brother had named the boy. The nurse replied “he named the boy Danephew”
Special Thanks to Paul B, Redmond, WA. for this joke
LEGO Lord of the Rings – All Cutscenes
Just when you thought, “Oh God, not another Lord of the Rings movie” or maybe, “Oh God! Another Lord of the Rings movie! Yeah!”, here comes the LEGO Lord of the Rings – All Cutscenes. An hour and thirty-one minutes of riveting, butt-clinching LEGO action. It just doesn’t get any better than this folks.
Humor: Spoofed Holiday Music
It’s getting around that time of year again. the stores are stocking their Holiday wares, and I expect them to start filling our ears and hearts with Christmas music. I expect Starbucks to start their Holiday specials any time now. I love those pumpkin lattes!
In the Spirit of the Holidays, I like to share a little humor with some of the funniest Holiday Music spoofs. Now, be careful before playing these Holiday tunes at work or around sensitive ears, as they might find these tunes inappropriate or even offensive. I’ve marked these as Not Safe For Work (NSFW). These files are in MP3 format, and should play on any media player or device that plays MP3 files.
You can save these tunes to your computer by right-clicking on the title, and selecting “Save As” or “Save Target As”
The Tunes
I’ll Be Stoned For Christmas (New!)
Carol Of The Bartenders (New!)
Be Claus I Got High (New!)
Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire
Dirty Sleigh Bells (NSFW)
Ho Ho Fucking Ho (NSFW)
I Saw Mammy Blow Santa Claus (NSFW)
Rudolph The Deepthroat Reindeer (NSFW)
Merry Fucking Christmas (South Park, Mr Garrison) (NSFW)
The Restroom door Said Gentlemen
Walking Around In Women’s Underwear
We Wish you Weren’t Living With Us
Who Put The dick On The Snowman
More!
For more Great Twisted Holiday music, please check out Amazon’s huge collection
Happy Holidays!
Humor: No Drama Warning Sign
No time or tolerance for other people’s drama? Well, this sign is for you! This print-ready sign will let friends and co-workers know to take their drama somewhere else, or maybe just to leave it at home. This No Drama sign is printable in standard 8.5 by 11 paper.
Click here for a Printable PDF version (Requires Adobe Reader or equivalent)
On a Serious Note:
The workplace is no place for drama, personal or otherwise. Drama creates a hostile work environment and hampers productivity. If drama is fluent in your work environment, check out these resources below. They may provide you and your workmates with a solution to reduce drama in the workplace.
Leadershipnow.com – “Gossip. Power struggles. Poor team coordination. These are all symptoms of workplace drama. They’re the obstacles that can drain your company of its best talent, get in the way of true productivity and profit, and eat away at the effectiveness of your organization—that is, unless a leader steps up and takes responsibility for changing course. Communications consultant and national speaker Marlene Chism has created an eight-step methodology that breaks through negative thinking that can contribute to drama in organizations of every kind and size. She has identified the gaps that drama creates—a gap between where your company is and where it aims to be and the psychological gap that occurs when people are faced with change and the fear that goes with it.”
Stop Workplace Drama – This book is available at Amazon. Stop Workplace Drama offers down-to-earth, practical methods to help business owners, entrepreneurs, and private practice professionals maximize success, increase productivity, and improve teamwork and personal performance. Identify “drama” barriers and help your employees break free to experience higher personal effectiveness and increased productivity
Each of the eight points is full of universal and practical principles any business leader, sales director or entrepreneur can put to use immediately. Author Marlene Chism has shared her signature process with organizations such as McDonalds and NASA. When you’re in the thick of business competition, you and your team need to function freely without internal conflicts, confusions, or rivalries. Stop Workplace Drama ensures that your employees will be able to give their best to create a healthy, profitable workplace.
7 Ways to Stop Workplace Drama – “Negativity is the number one productivity problem in the workplace. Signs of negativity include backstabbing, gossiping, power struggles and lack of teamwork. The end result is absenteeism, low morale and turnover. Here are seven tips for improving workplace relationships and reducing negativity.”
Humor: Honey it’s me!
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk….
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s $2,000. Can I buy it?”
MAN: “OK, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2011 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: How much?”
WOMAN: $95,000.
MAN: “For that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! One more thing. … The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re only asking $1,450,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and buy it but just offer $1,350,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you too.”
The man hangs up. The other men are looking at him in astonishment
Then he asks: “Anyone know who this cell phone belongs to?”
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