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Humor: Points to Ponder

Just another worthless, but humorous list of nonsense to ponder:

  1. One tequila, Two tequila, Three tequila, Floor
  2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization
  3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  4. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  5. I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the “Self-Help” section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  7. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his hands get washed out with soap?
  8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  9. Is there another word for synonym?
  10. Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
  11. What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  14. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  15. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  16. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  17. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  18. Why do they put Braille on drive-through ATM’s?
  19. How do they get deer to cross the road only at the posted Deer Crossing signs?
  20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  21. One nice thing about egotists; they don;t talk about other people
  22. Does the little mermaid wear an Algebra
  23. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  24. How is it possible to have a cival war?
  25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
  26. If you ate both pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
  27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  28. Who’s cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ‘s’ in it?
  29. Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of assteroids?
  30. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  31. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  32. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?
  33. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
 (Contributed by Mindy S.)


 

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